If you are or have struggled with pornography, I want you to hear these two truths:

You are not alone 
& 
You are loved.

Let’s face the facts, pornography is a HUGE issue. About 40 million Americans report using pornography regularly, two-thirds are men and a third are women. The average age for first seeing porn is 11 years old, and 93% of boys and 62% of girls first see porn before the age of 18. It also has a huge impact on marriages, since 56% of divorces have porn use listed a major issue leading to the divorce. 

These statics can feel overwhelming, but there is hope. It is possible to get rid of porn. Step one: go to confession. There you will receive God’s forgiveness, mercy, and love every single time! Porn use can take a long time to stop, and yet no matter how long it takes you to stop, and even when you have relapses, God’s mercy will meet you in the confessional—forgiving your sins and giving you the grace to renew your commitment to chastity. Porn can easily become an addiction, and as an addiction is really, really hard to break, but not impossible. And then after confession, here are three steps to take:

1. Accountability.Porn use isolates us, which only leads us to use porn more. It is a vicious cycle. To get out of it we need to break the cycle. We need people in our lives with whom we can share our struggles. Accountability is a powerful thing. Sin thrives in secret, but the power of Christ works in the light. Having someone (whether your spouse or a close friend, but not your boyfriend or girlfriend) whom you can talk with about your struggles with porn breaks the isolation and shame and reinforces the truths that you are not alone and that even in the midst of this sin you are loved. If you are looking for tools to help with accountability, perhaps the best software is Covenant Eyes. Yes, it costs money, but it’s absolutely worth it. Strive 21 is also an awesome 21-day program for men (one for women is being developed). Sexaholics Anonymous (which is a lot like Alcoholics Anonymous) is an anonymous program that works with accountability and group support to overcome pornography and other sexual addications (there is a Medford chapter). Check here for more resources.

2. Protection. Our technology is powerful and our computers and smartphones can do a lot of good for us, but they can also do a lot of harm. We need to install software on our computers, tablets, and smartphones to protect us from porn. And parents, this is really critical for the safety of your family. You wouldn’t let your children go to a strip club, then why would you let your children use a computer or smart phone without protection to filter out and block porn sites? And no matter how young your children are, they need this protection (it can start really early).

3.Solve the root problem.Porn use ultimately is the result of a deeper issue in our lives. We use porn because at a deeper level we believe the lie “I am not loved” or “I am not lovable”. Whether we appear so to other people, we struggle at our core with a deep loneliness, and porn is an escape mechanism. But it doesn’t solve the problem; it only makes it worse. In the end, if we want to get rid of porn we have to address the root problem. What will overcome our loneliness and shame is deepening our relationship with God and one another. This means exchanging the time we spend on porn with time with God, with your spouse, with your family, and with friends. We need to experience real love to break our habit with fake love.

Jesus won the victory over sin for us on the cross, and He will give us the grace to overcome whatever sin we face if we come to Him and trust in Him. Do not give up hope and do not be afraid: the cross truly has the power to win this victory in your life!